rewriting “I draw”

I draw with everything or anything. /nothing?
I draw with line or space/ farming?
I draw 2D into 3D objects.
I draw movement in time. – opposite of time is “anti-time”/ kind of like antimatter (from one of my classmate)
I draw positive or negative.
I draw sequence.
I draw beginning that may not be an ending.

I start by drawing simple, but always ends up with complication. (like a tree started but way it grown it becomes infinite) When should one stop? When one die?

Wrote 28th April 2003

My system …

It all began from the idea of understanding myself before understanding anything else.
Understand how I am, where I am, who I am.
Understand why I am I.
For I to understand I is then to start my drawing.

I drew a system where I used my first instant.
Started with a simple drawing into a map of complicated drawings.
It became a chaotic system.

I disliked the word chaos, I wanted to be organize.
Organize or chaos.
Which to which.

Ones upon a time, Jean (my BA tutor) said:
“ Many may see the woods are chaotic, but are they? Seeing a spider web, the system of nature, is this not more order or organize then the cities that we are living in?”

I slowly realize this system of nature have become part of my fascination in my work. I believe the order of nature is where I will find the beauty.

Therefore, I started all over again!
This time I started with using rules.
The method called the law of science.

I repeated.
I stayed there.
I still am a chaotic one.
Realizing forever I will be.
Will always be a fail one?
We say nothing is perfect, so when is chaotic does it mean I will not find beauty within a chaotic one?
I search on.

“All of old. Nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” By Samuel Beckett 1983

Fail better! Yes! Everything has not really the true right and wrong, whatever it is one chooses to do has its own opportunity cost.
If ever, we want to be successful, fail is as important.
No failure mean no success.
I learn to be comfortable with this word chaotic.
I learn to be comfortable with my system.

I repeated. I stayed there.

Marcel Duchamp said:
“The individual, as man, man as a brain, if you like, interests me more then what he makes, because I’ve noticed that most artists only repeat themselves.”

First I asked, do I agree?
I do not understand anyone more then myself, if I call myself as a young artists do I then repeat myself?
The word he used is “ repeat”…
My work, one may say that I am repeating myself over and over again.
I may then say I am looping myself.
I believe my work is I; I am developing my work at the same time as I am developing myself. The self affects my work, and I am using my work to understand myself by hoping to be objective by analyzing it and aim for my success.

During the continuous investigation of my system within the rules of mathematic, I did it with the same equation; I repeated it many times, just like a machine. But every line in the squares is different. I realized it was the time, I had to use a different tool and I chose the computer.

Computer will led me into a more efficient and accurate outcome. It will also help me to understanding more about my system by understanding what database and programming.
Information architecture (database) is a way of organizing. Like a library but this is in the computer instant and it is on the web. Working in this way will help my viewers and I in understanding my work clearer.
Programming is the essential skill in computer. From searching on this topic I have realize the important of loops; modularity; procedures. This relates to my work very closely. The sequence; the body; continued system of 2 keys: on and off; I continued in searching for laws in computer science and closely with mathematic.
But I have also realize from Albert Einstein (1879-1955) quotations:

“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.”
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”

This topic, led me into understand mathematic is not the only way into nature but I as human. We have feelings and emotions that will never be counted, to this point of my work I have decided to repeat my loop again by understanding us and I as part of humanity!

Quote from Baudrillard’s theory, (Real? In this 21st Century, I am born in this time, I am part of the human made society and can we call this real?)
I started to believe; us human are in some way programmed. May be this word is too strong.

I was born.
I was taught to speck and write.
I began going to school.
I am taught what is right, what is wrong.
I am taught to read.
When I was young I was told a beautiful image to be able to draw a photographic image.
This world we live in is also a world we have partly made.
What Do I mean?
A chair; human made.
A house; human made.
The roads we are walking on, are human made.
Is the world better then before or have we failed?

Engineering is an activity other than purely manual and physical work which brings about the utilization of the materials and laws of nature for the good of humanity.
R. E. Hellmund, 1929

And I believe in the law of nature.
I am part of nature.
I am part of the programmed society.  (Understanding it!)

I shell find the beauty of humanity.
I shell find the beauty of nature.
I shell find the beauty of drawing.

Reviewing: reading this seemed clearer on what I am doing.  Now I am to make work to show for the MA, I asked.  Is it like when I was doing my A-levels.  Making a plan within the time frame and make something from using a tool which was chosen… (Digital)  Having the skills for this and the use of the softwear.  The making of learning.  Just like the card box computer.  The doing in learning.  The making of the box had helped me a lot, in making again.  But is this it?  Should I still be asking questions in what I do?  Like every move I had in my work the means of the reason in doing somthing.  I should read of what other thinks of when something is done?  Nothing in our mind in doing have no reasons!

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